And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
