I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
