Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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