ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
