And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
