I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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