don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
