First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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