Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
