so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Houston, we have a squirter
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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