sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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