I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
