if i can run in heels then i can drive
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
