I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
