cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize