You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
