I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize