id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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