Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
