sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
