I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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