he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
