Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
