It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
