I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
