My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
