The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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