I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
