i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
