Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
