he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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