shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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