he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
