meet me or not, i'm out of control
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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