so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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