today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
