Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so explain again why im purple
no
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Bring me that man meat
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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