I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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