You smell like a Billy Joel song
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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