I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
