I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
