Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
