I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
