living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We were destined to go to rehab together
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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