i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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