sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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