it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
