i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
