you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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