Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
