So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
