Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
