these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize