last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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