actually, I'm a sock model
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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