we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize