You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
