So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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