i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
