life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
