then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize