How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
