you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
