SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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