I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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