nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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