my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
