saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
dude. I can hear the air.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
