Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
