Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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