i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
someone owes me an orgasm
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
