conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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