Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
