i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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