I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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