please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dear god my vagina.
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