And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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