i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize