is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
