oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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