you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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