Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
