Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
