ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
