tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i will never coherently bang her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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