She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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