New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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