how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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