maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
