Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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