If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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