After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
