A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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