Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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