Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
