wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there was a trapeze. enough said
it's great music for shaving your balls
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
